Mum Guilt

[24 April 2020 || Ian at 8 months 21 days]

Just finished washing everything in the kitchen and going to bed soon. Feeling lousy today so I decided to write it down in hope that I will feel better after this.

I now have alot less time with Isaac. Most times, I find that he is really lonely. It doesn’t help that with covid 19 going on, school has closed at least for another 6 weeks. He is starting to miss his friends and the fun times in school. As much as I would love to spend the day with him crafting, baking or just doing anything the whole day with him, I can’t. I have ian to care for and ian is a very demanding baby. This is especially so when it comes to sleep. His naps are 45 min to an hour each time during the day and at night he struggles to stay awake despite how tired he is. Most nights putting him to bed exhausts me physically and mentally. I always have a list of things I want to do after he sleeps, this includes spending some time with Isaac before isaac goes to bed too. But when ian finally sleeps, either I am too tired to do any of my own stuff, or isaac would have fallen asleep while waiting for me. This is exactly what happened tonight. We were playing Snap and the game was very stressful because Ian was crying in the background insisting to be carried. While I would love to enjoy the game with isaac, I couldn’t wait for it to end just so I can tend to ian.

I have no idea why Ian fights sleep especially at night. The good thing is, he usually sleeps till the next morning now without any night feed. Unless he is woken up then it will take him at least an hour to fall back to sleep.

My level of tiredness is almost at its maximum. I wonder when will this sleep situation get better. Please let it be soon.